Summary: You should try AA again if it didn’t work before because the reason or reasons it didn’t work before may have less to do with AA and the 12 steps than it/they have to do with you, where you were in your life – literally and figuratively – and other personal factors related to your alcohol addiction.
Key Points:
- Evidence shows Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is the most effective method available for achieving long-term sobriety and abstinence from alcohol use, when compared to other methods and techniques.
- AA does not work for everyone: there is no single approach to quitting drinking that works for everyone or guarantees sobriety and abstinence as an outcome.
- 12 step programs like AA are often most effective when combined with professional addiction support and/or mental health treatment.
Does Addiction Treatment Actually Ever Work?
Yes, addiction treatment does work.
It works every day for millions of people, and mutual support groups like AA play a large role in that success. Any effective effort to quit drinking includes at least three core components: your commitment to quitting, the quality of treatment you receive, and the presence of a robust social support system. AA offers a social support system, while you as an individual are responsible for taking ownership of the process and addressing the first two components.
If you’ve tried AA and are considering going back, we’re behind you, and think it’s a great idea. In addition to the fact that evidence shows it can and does work for people seeking long-term sobriety and abstinence from alcohol, we have five good reasons you should try AA again, even if it didn’t work before.
Five Good Reasons to Try AA Again if It Didn’t Work the First Time
1. You Weren’t Ready to Stop Drinking (It Wasn’t the Right Time).
In some cases, people attend AA meetings because they receive an ultimatum from a family member, such as a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a child. They may have told you that if you don’t quit drinking, it’s over. And by it, they may mean the relationship, the marriage, the financial support, the helping you out of jams/tight spots, the covering up for you, and the free passes for inappropriate and disrespectful words and actions said or done while intoxicated or in situations influenced by drinking.
If you tried AA to make someone else happy, and not an internal/personal decision to enter recovery, that’s probably why it didn’t work.
In other cases, people attend AA meetings as the result of legal problems. The court system may require attendance at AA meetings for DUI convictions, domestic issues, or criminal behavior associated with addiction/excess alcohol consumption.
If you tried AA because a judge told you that you had to in order to avoid jail, fines, or other consequences, rather than an internal/personal decision to enter recovery, that’s probably why it didn’t work.
In still other cases, people have a bad experience with alcohol, decide they want to quit drinking, and give AA a try. But when they get to a meeting, listen to people in recovery, and realize the size and scope of the work ahead of them, they decide they’re not ready to quit drinking yet: the radical change in lifestyle overwhelms and is simply too much to commit to.
If you tried AA because of a terrible hangover or a near-miss with risky behavior or poor decisions made while under the influence, rather than an internal/personal decision to enter recovery, that’s probably why it didn’t work.
Some people who try AA meetings to quit drinking say it doesn’t work for them because of the religious component. They don’t believe in capital “G” god, they’ve had negative experiences with organized religion, or they don’t like or agree with how the 12-steps are worded and/or presented.
If you went to AA and were unwilling to take the steps, or unwilling to participate because of your reservations about the existence of a god or a higher power, that’s may be an indication you weren’t ready to quit, because opinions about the existence/non-existence of god are irrelevant to the matter at hand: quitting alcohol. Many people who initially reject the AA process over a point of theology realize later their objections were an excuse to avoid the work of recovery.
AA is about working on the concepts behind the steps in order to achieve sustainable abstinence and sobriety. That’s the entire goal of the organization. Debating theology and/or the vocabulary in the steps does not move anyone closer to that goal.
If you tried AA and it didn’t work because you constantly questioned the process and how it was presented, then it’s likely it didn’t work because you weren’t ready to stop drinking.
2. You Didn’t Find the Right Meeting (They Were a Bad Match).
Across the U.S. at this very moment – unless you’re reading this article at 3:00 am – there are AA meetings happening in small towns, big cities, suburbs, and exurbs. AA meetings are literally everywhere. They typically happen around morning, noon, and evening, roughly at 6:00 am, Noon, and 6:00 pm., with countless variations on that basic scheduling pattern, and various chapters holding meetings during the in-between times for people with atypical schedules.
There are two things to consider here about finding the right meeting for you. Predicting what type of person you’ll find at each meeting is not an exact science, but you can use basic logic to narrow down your choices.
First, consider the location. The people who attend meetings in a funky little intown neighborhood may be different than the people who attend meetings in exurbs filled with gated communities and expensive homes. The people who attend meetings in a small rural town may be different than the people who attend meetings in a medium-size college town just 20 miles away.
However, with the exception of closed meetings, AA meetings are always open to everyone, an outlier may show up at any meeting, anywhere, at any time, and they’re always 100% welcome. This is a feature, not a bug, and a hidden advantage of AA.
Second, consider the time. People who go to 6:00 am meetings are more often morning people getting a meeting in before work, while people who attend 6:00 pm meetings are often the same crowd – 9-5 workers or similar – who prefer going after work as opposed to before. Noon meetings trend toward a different group: restaurant workers whose shifts make the 6:00 meetings impossible, stay-at-home parents with kids in school, or college-age/younger adults without consistent daytime work hours.
However, neither time nor location limits who can attend. For instance, someone from out of town may show up at any meeting at any time, with no idea about what the typical attendees are like. They just need a meeting. A 6:00 am suburb meeting may just see a third shift worker who doesn’t live nearby, a meeting in a downtown business district may see a construction worker from a nearby site, and a noon meeting in a college town may see a retired person visiting their grandchild at the college.
3. You Didn’t Give It Long Enough (Recovery is a Lifelong Process).
A common way to end AA meetings is by reading a passage from an AA resource, reciting the serenity prayer, and capping it off by saying this:
“Keep coming back. It works if you work it.”
It may take time to get past your initial reservations about AA. You may wrestle with questions like “how am I powerless if I had the power to get here” and you may need time to get past the religious component. You may go to a couple of meetings, get some great advice you think you can use to stay sober, then strike off on your own, only to relapse later. We totally understand that. If you’re hesitant about returning to AA because you tried it and later relapsed, we still encourage you to come back. If you relapsed, consider this point, which we adapted from a Hazelden Betty Ford resource:
We are always in recovery, and always welcome in recovery, even and especially after a relapse.
We want you to know that part of the real power in AA is in the group, the community, and the connections you make before, during, and after the meetings.
Connecting with other people in recovery at AA meetings may not happen instantly. But being patient pays off. When you make connections with experienced AA members, they can connect the dots for you on many questions you have about recovery. It’s not that they have all the answers, it’s that they’ve been where you are, have tried various approaches, and had the time to learn what worked for them and what didn’t – all of which they’re more than likely willing to share with you.
4. You Didn’t Have External Support (Friends and Family Didn’t Know You Were Trying to Quit Drinking).
When you enter recovery, you certainly don’t have to announce it to the world. You get to pick and choose who you disclose your recovery status to, whose business it is that you’re in recovery, and who you might think will be helpful, supportive, and understanding. Believe us when we say this:
Almost everyone in recovery needs helpful, supportive, understanding – and hopefully, loving – people on their side when they’re trying to quit drinking, especially at the beginning, during the early stages of recovery.
When you decide to commit to recovery, it’s important to let others in, starting with those closest to you. You’ll learn that quitting drinking means more than simply not having a drink. It often means a complete overhaul and renovation of your lifestyle, and a recalibration of what you define as your basic daily and long-term needs.
When the people closest to you know what’s happening in your life and what you need, your chances of a successful recovery increase. Therefore, if you tried AA before and didn’t tell anyone at all, the absence of external support may be one reason it didn’t work for you.
5. You Didn’t Address the Root Cause of Your Drinking (Addiction Can Develop as a Response to Mental Health Issues Like Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD)
If you tried to quit drinking by going to AA and it didn’t work, you may need more help than a peer-based mutual support group. You may need professional mental health support in addition to a 12-step meeting. In many cases people begin using alcohol or other drugs to manage – i.e. mute, mitigate, attempt to ignore – the uncomfortable, distressing, and disruptive emotions associated with clinical mental health disorders.
This is known as self-medication.
A person with depression may self-medicate with alcohol to temporarily alleviate feelings of sadness, isolation, or hopelessness common to depressive disorders. A person with anxiety might self-medicate with alcohol to temporarily quiet continuously running internal feelings/scripts about their worries and fears. People with PTSD may self-medicate to handle flashbacks to their original trauma, or manage the emotional pain associated with surviving trauma. People with bipolar disorder may self-medicate at both extremes of their symptoms: during manic phases, they may use alcohol to manage their excess energy, and during depressive phases, they may use alcohol to temporarily relieve sadness and low mood, similar to the way people with depression often use alcohol.
If you have an undiagnosed and untreated mental health disorder, then that may be the reason AA didn’t work for you. In addition to the support offered by peers at AA meetings, you may need support from a mental health professional to address and resolve the emotions that cause you to drink, i.e. the root cause of your addiction.
AA + Professional Support: You Can Quit Drinking
We need to be one hundred percent honest here: if you tried AA before and it didn’t work, we certainly encourage you to go back, but we want you to know that you can dramatically increase your chances of achieving long-term sobriety and abstinence from alcohol if you go back to AA and also find professional treatment.
If you find a treatment program that includes AA or a 12-step approach, even better.
It’s possible you need immersive, intensive treatment delivered by trained professionals at a specialized alcohol rehab center. Sometimes you need time away from your daily routine and environment to make real behavioral changes.
It can be difficult to change your life while living the life you’re trying to change.
To find immersive, residential treatment, you need to make an appointment with an addiction professional and receive a full addiction assessment, a diagnosis, and a referral for care. This can happen at a treatment center, in an outpatient setting with a psychiatrist or therapist, or, in some cases, with your primary care physician. Once that’s done, you can commit to residential treatment, outpatient treatment, or something in between. The treatment you receive and your commitment to the process, combined with the support of peers from AA meetings, can put you on the path toward recovery. The treatment and support are there: the next step is yours to take.
